Well it's been a week and a bit since I left Arizona, and I left there a changed man.
I am deeply honoured to have been given the opportunity to tell my story and privileged to have been in the company of a group of practitioners, educators, and conference organizers, who are second to none.
The Arizona trip and the conference marked a turning point for me and my ongoing journey to better health, and I am in an even better place mentally and emotionally than I was when I first started delivering the "After the sirens" presentation a mere six weeks ago. I have all of you to thank for that.
When I decided to move forward with the "After the sirens" presentation and the May campaign there was a large measure of nervousness at the thought of tearing open some very large emotional scabs and exposing my much protected inner self.
Regardless of however uncomfortable and unpleasant I anticipated the process would be, I knew it needed to be done for several reasons, first and foremost for me to gain further ground in my battle against poor health, and secondly to help others appreciate the significance of stress related illness.
The conundrum I faced was that in order to successfully navigate the emotional responses associated with speaking of my battle with stress it would be essential to my emotional health for me to have a safe strategy. For me that meant only telling as much of the story as I was comfortable with and in that light, keeping the presentation in an ever evolving and non stagnant state. True to that, little by little with each presentation I found myself being more open with the groups gathered to hear my story and as time goes on and the campaign continues, I will trim and add as need dictates.
In the week or so that has passed I've given myself some time to decompress and restructure in the wake of the conference and the conversations that ensued, I've stayed away from social media as best I could with the exception of sending and answering a few emails, I've ridden my bike every day I could, I've edited some of the images I captured along the way, and I've spent a bunch of time with my camera outside of my comfort zone, that being photographing things that fart. It's a long story, lol. Reference The Riverpirate Times and www.riverpiratephotography.blogspot.com.
I've also spent some time working on the reno at the farm with Robyn and my son Andre, watched a little TV, and did a bit of socializing along the way.
When I left Phoenix last Friday night I flew to Portland Me. where Robyn picked me up, and we drove to Norwich New York to pick up our newest addition to our Great Dane family, Wysiwyg's Heart of Saturday Night, call name Thomas. For you who are unfamiliar with the reference, Tom Waite's song "The Heart of Saturday Night" was the first song Robyn and I danced to. Corny, I know but it fits.
Our travels home took us through upstate New York, Vermont, and New Hampshire, much of which was unfamiliar territory to me and Robyn, and then through Maine, NB, and home to NS. It was a fantastic way to end a fantastic chapter in my life "After the sirens".
As my journey from the brink continues I will keep doing the healthy things I do to keep me as close to my baseline and I'll try again to bring the "After the sirens" presentation to those who might benefit from hearing my story and recognizing that asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness.
Sunday, June 21, 2015
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
Reality and reflection June 9 2015
The purpose of the "After the sirens" presentation was to share what I went through during my battle with poor health so that other uniformed responders might be better versed on;
I did, as advertised deliver the "After the sirens" presentation on May 10th in my current hometown of Cole Hbr, and again on the 11th in Fredericton, NB., and it was after the Fredericton presentation I realized that interest in hearing about my experiences with stress related illness within the uniformed responder community was virtually non existent.
- the truths about being overwhelmed by stress
- the illnesses that can manifest from stress
- the stigma attached to suffering from stress
- how my employer and insurer both failed miserably in helping me despite the fact I found the strength to stand up and say "I need help"
I did, as advertised deliver the "After the sirens" presentation on May 10th in my current hometown of Cole Hbr, and again on the 11th in Fredericton, NB., and it was after the Fredericton presentation I realized that interest in hearing about my experiences with stress related illness within the uniformed responder community was virtually non existent.
At
the Cole Harbour presentation, in attendance were; my girlfriend, my mother,
my two closest aunts, and one EMS colleague. So the score was Family 4, Responders 1. (There was also one young woman in an EMS cap who was utilizing the library, but she chose not to make her way into the room).
The
Fredericton turnout was 2 paramedics and 1 no show who apologized by email for forgetting about the presentation.
Until
Fredericton I had been cautiously optimistic that despite the fact very few email confirmations
had been received, there would be many who would just show up. Turns out that was not the case at all, so with costs
mounting and interest dwindling I cancelled the remaining presentations
that had been tentatively scheduled for the month of May and put my focus towards the June presentation at the Arizona EMS conference.
I did not however cancel the rest of my trip South because the primary goals of the trip in addition to delivering the presentation were for me to actively manage my stress by doing the two things that safely bring me back to the baseline, those being spending time on my Harley, and being behind the viewfinder of my camera gear. I will continue sharing my experiences and my images on www.riverpiratephotography.blogspot.com once I get back and settled and rehydrated from my days in the desert.
Tomorrow I head for Phoenix and the Arizona EMS Odyssey conference where I'll deliver what might very well be the last of the "After the sirens" presentations, and I'm very much OK with that.
Maybe hearing my story and receiving my message has made / will make a difference in the lives of just one of those in attendance.
Perhaps someday down the road someone in uniform will hear third or fourth hand of my journey to the brink and back and will wisely recognize it's a route best avoided and has the strength to ask for assistance.
If this indeed happens, I have succeeded.
It took me several years to build the strength to stand up and tell my story, and regardless of how many agencies didn't share the opportunity with their uniformed responders, and no matter how many didn't take the opportunity to show up, at the end of the day, I can proudly and humbly say I tried.
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Apr 8 2015
"After the sirens" is a presentation on stress in uniform from the perspective of an accomplished practitioner and educator, namely me. In it I talk about my experiences with stress related illness.
Stress is an unavoidable component of every role in uniform. Uniformed responders from all areas of military and emergency service are united simply by the fact that on a daily basis they each perform duties and provide service in a manner and in environments far outside the abilities and experiences of the average layperson.
During every uniformed responder's career there will be incidents of significance that will significantly increase the level and duration of the responder's stress response, putting the responder at risk of developing PTSD.
In the case of many responders like myself, the cumulative adverse effects of "routine" responder work related stressors combined with personal stressors created a health issue I was unable to control and manage successfully. Often, these workplace stressors continually elevate the responder's stress level and in the process, eroding the responder's ability to manage the ever increasing stress baseline.
Despite being a paramedic and EMS educator for 18 years I failed to recognize the need for help until it was almost too late. Mine is the story of coming to terms with being in need, and of having the strength to ask for help. It is also about regaining the upper hand in regards to stress management, and being cognizant that stress management is a constant need.
The title "After the sirens" refers to having to come to terms with the end of a career in uniform, and the loss of identity associated with it.
The day my career in EMS ended I started creating what was to eventually become titled "After the sirens". That was seven years ago this month.
In all honesty the presentation was founded on anger and grief over the loss of a career that was once filled with accomplishments; one I was actively trying to resurrect at the time of my illness. My anger has for the most part has subsided and my grief has pretty much abated, but there remains a professional void - a lack of a sense of professional purpose if you will, fueled by the thirst of an educator not done educating.
A year ago I had the opportunity to present a very abridged version of the "After the sirens" presentation, and it was received well. Coincidentally around the same time, Kevin Davidson, a colleague and former student of mine was writing and has since recorded the song "When those sirens are gone", the focus of which is PTSD.
Kevin's demonstration of strength in releasing "When those sirens are gone", gave me the proverbial shove I needed to share my story about the effects of stress in uniform with other uniformed responders.
You can find out more about Kevin and "When those sirens are gone" at:
http://kevindavisonmusic.wix.com/kevindavsionmusic.
Which brings us to today, April 8 2015.
Tomorrow I'm flying to India for work and I'll be gone until the first week of May.
On May 10th I am presenting "After the sirens" at the Cole Harbour Library at 1430.
For the following three weeks I will be delivering the "After the sirens" presentation to groups of responders from New Brunswick to Tennessee. I personally am covering all costs associated with the delivery of the May "After the sirens"campaign.
In June I'll be delivering the "After the sirens" presentation at the EMS Odyssey conference in Phoenix as well as at several other locations in Arizona. I have received funding to help cover the costs associated with delivering the "After the sirens" campaign in Arizona.
It is my hope that attendees of the presentation will donate to the "After the sirens" GoFundMe campaign, much like "paying it forward", enabling the delivery of the presentation to groups of responders in other areas.
Pending successful fundraising I will continue delivering the "After the sirens" to groups of interested uniformed responders, and raising awareness of the effects of stress in uniform.
Stress is an unavoidable component of every role in uniform. Uniformed responders from all areas of military and emergency service are united simply by the fact that on a daily basis they each perform duties and provide service in a manner and in environments far outside the abilities and experiences of the average layperson.
During every uniformed responder's career there will be incidents of significance that will significantly increase the level and duration of the responder's stress response, putting the responder at risk of developing PTSD.
In the case of many responders like myself, the cumulative adverse effects of "routine" responder work related stressors combined with personal stressors created a health issue I was unable to control and manage successfully. Often, these workplace stressors continually elevate the responder's stress level and in the process, eroding the responder's ability to manage the ever increasing stress baseline.
Despite being a paramedic and EMS educator for 18 years I failed to recognize the need for help until it was almost too late. Mine is the story of coming to terms with being in need, and of having the strength to ask for help. It is also about regaining the upper hand in regards to stress management, and being cognizant that stress management is a constant need.
The title "After the sirens" refers to having to come to terms with the end of a career in uniform, and the loss of identity associated with it.
The day my career in EMS ended I started creating what was to eventually become titled "After the sirens". That was seven years ago this month.
In all honesty the presentation was founded on anger and grief over the loss of a career that was once filled with accomplishments; one I was actively trying to resurrect at the time of my illness. My anger has for the most part has subsided and my grief has pretty much abated, but there remains a professional void - a lack of a sense of professional purpose if you will, fueled by the thirst of an educator not done educating.
A year ago I had the opportunity to present a very abridged version of the "After the sirens" presentation, and it was received well. Coincidentally around the same time, Kevin Davidson, a colleague and former student of mine was writing and has since recorded the song "When those sirens are gone", the focus of which is PTSD.
Kevin's demonstration of strength in releasing "When those sirens are gone", gave me the proverbial shove I needed to share my story about the effects of stress in uniform with other uniformed responders.
You can find out more about Kevin and "When those sirens are gone" at:
http://kevindavisonmusic.wix.com/kevindavsionmusic.
Which brings us to today, April 8 2015.
Tomorrow I'm flying to India for work and I'll be gone until the first week of May.
On May 10th I am presenting "After the sirens" at the Cole Harbour Library at 1430.
For the following three weeks I will be delivering the "After the sirens" presentation to groups of responders from New Brunswick to Tennessee. I personally am covering all costs associated with the delivery of the May "After the sirens"campaign.
In June I'll be delivering the "After the sirens" presentation at the EMS Odyssey conference in Phoenix as well as at several other locations in Arizona. I have received funding to help cover the costs associated with delivering the "After the sirens" campaign in Arizona.
It is my hope that attendees of the presentation will donate to the "After the sirens" GoFundMe campaign, much like "paying it forward", enabling the delivery of the presentation to groups of responders in other areas.
Pending successful fundraising I will continue delivering the "After the sirens" to groups of interested uniformed responders, and raising awareness of the effects of stress in uniform.
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